We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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