She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
