What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
