Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
