I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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