From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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