You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
