I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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