too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
