Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
