i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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