That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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