Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
