kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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