the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
