you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
