Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My feet surprised me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
