epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
