just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
