I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
