I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
