I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
