I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
