The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
