If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
