Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
