Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
They have beer where we have blood.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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