I CAN MOONWALK!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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