Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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