Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
