threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i believe in u and ur pee
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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