OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
