I think I am morally bankrupt
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
