Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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