the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
