guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
