I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
