i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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