There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
