NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
