he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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