it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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