youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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