The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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