How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
