Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
