1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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