Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
