We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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