What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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