You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
