I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
