she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize