"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
