Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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