He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize