i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
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For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
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Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.