im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You have to summon your inner elephant
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.