pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up