My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Randomize
