OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
