I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
