I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
