Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
