Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
