im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Farmville is her only friend.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Randomize
