I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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