I wish I could punch you in the face.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
