It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
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I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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