well you can't waste a boner
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
