Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
