Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
