on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Randomize
