We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
