u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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