Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
