CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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