I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
