looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
